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The top 8 things you can do to prevent catching Mexican Swine Flu
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1) Stay Away From Obama. The first case was seen in Mexico on April 13. The outbreak coincided with the President Barack Obama’s trip to Mexico City on April 16. Obama was received at Mexico’s anthropology museum in Mexico City by Felipe Solis, a distinguished archaeologist who died the following day from symptoms similar to flu.

That’s right, the President was greeted in Mexico by someone who died the next day of swine flu.  So if Obama wants to shake your hand, tell him, maybe next time.

2) Cancun? No can do. Rebook that trip to Mexico for a little stay in the Dominican Republic, where the only thing you have to worry about is the massive outbreak of malaria.  Or maybe try Baghdad, its safer.

3) Stick a fork into your pork.  Russia has already banned imports of pork from Mexico. While there is no proof that eating pork can give you swine flu, it’s probably a good idea not to eat pork anyway. And don’t kiss any pigs on the mouth, even Miss Piggy.

4) Get Older, fast. If you are young and healthy you should try to get old real fast.  Younger people are more susceptible to pandemic outbreaks precisely because their immune systems overreact to new strains of influenza.  The reason younger, healthy people are more likely to die during a flu pandemic is because as their immune systems fight off the virus their lungs become more inflamed, leading to pneumonia and possibly death. According to the swine flu  experts:

The leading theory on why so many young, healthy people die in pandemics is the “cytokine storm,” in which vigorous immune systems pour out antibodies to attack the new virus. That can inflame lung cells until they leak fluid, which can overwhelm the lungs, Dr. Moscona said.  But older people who have had the flu repeatedly in their lives may have some antibodies that provide cross-protection to the new strain, she said. And immune responses among the aged are not as vigorous.

5) Just Say No To Mexican Food. If you must eat Mexican food, go to Taco Bell; since there is almost nothing authentically Mexican about it, plus you are unlikely to come into contact with anything that has ever been close to Mexico. Except for a few of the employees.

6) Don’t sneeze or cough in other peoples faces. Why is it that so many people wait until they are right up in your grill to let out the big ah-choo? Not only is that rude it is very dangerous.  Mexican swine flu is a respiratory illness that can spread esily by sneezing and coughing near other people.  That next sneexe just might be deadly.   So cut it out.

7) Wash your hands, often. This rule applies not only to resaturant employees, but to anyone who does not want to spread swine flu and other diseases to the masses.  Or to themselves.

8) Keep your kids home from school and call in sick to work. Even if there is a small chance of getting the swine flu, we can’t think of a better excuse to play hooky.

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Giovanni
Best selling author, connoisseur of pop culture, and professional Urban Mythologist, debunking your life since whenever.

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